There has been quite a few man purse sightings on my morning commute lately, and with that a lot of purse mistreatment. If you’re confident enough to pull off a fashion trend that not even Joey Tribbiani, ladies’ man extraordinaire, could handle- hats off to you. But with great fashion accessories comes great responsibility- so here are some tips on how to wear your man purse correctly, from a lady who’s been carrying one since her first trip to the mall.
1. Swing and a miss
I’ve already been knocked in the face with a leather satchel hanging off a man’s shoulder once this year, and it’s only the first week in January. Gentlemen- keep an eye on that extra baggage- let it become another part of you- like a kangaroo pouch that can hold sandwiches. Do you really want to have to tell your friends that a guy punched you on the train because you accidentally swatted him with your handbag? I’m not sure, but I think that would be the weakest fight story in the history of the world. Careful where you swing.
2. Know when to let go
Your man purse (or “murse” if you’re into that term, which I am not) is not your baby. Yes, you many have paid as much on it as if you had actually bought a baby, but it’s not as special. Therefore, you cannot let it have it’s own seat on the train/plane/automobile. If it’s too fancy to put on the ground, chances are it’s too fancy to be carrying whatever you have in there (Which is probably a pair of smelly gym shorts from when you went to the gym… a month ago).
3. Size matters
Take it from a pro- there is not need to be lugging around a gigantic carry on to and from work. When oversized hobo bags were popping up in magazines, I bought one that could fit an entire Irish family of 12, plus their car. I thought it was super cute- until I saw pictures of myself dancing at a party. It looked like I was lugging around a dead body in my bag on the dance floor. Not cute. The only dude ever to have to pulled off an extra large bag with style is Santa Claus- and that’s only because he’s carrying presents inside. You are not Santa Claus. Get a smaller murse. Be creative and pack that shit Mary Poppins style- with a little practice you’ll be able to carry all your manly belongings in a clutch in no time!
4. Your man purse can talk
The style of your bag says loads about you. Too dainty- you are too fragile and won’t get that raise! Too rugged- clearly you are overcompensating for something! A popular trend coming up is the old-timey doctor bag. Unless you are making a house visit to re-set a little boy’s leg after he fell from his tree-house, you do not need this bag. Pick a style that suits you, or at most a slightly heightened version of how you would like people to see you.
Sidenote: Next time your significant other spends too much time shopping for her new purse, remember this and understand why she might not be home for a few days.
5. Don’t get robbed
You’re probably thinking about ignoring this step since the odds of your wallet being stolen from your pocket are a not as high as purse snatchings. But the next time you sit at the bar here’s a little tip- sometimes they have purse handles on the bar to put your bag. This is much safer than over the chair. Trust me, you don’t want to be in the situation where in the middle of picking up someone you get the gut turning shock that your bag is missing, forcing you to scream to the bar patrons, “Someone stole my murse! Someone stole my murse!” Your ego has enough to deal with as it is, don’t make things worse.