Now that it’s not the day after Halloween, I’ve allowed myself to properly escalate my excitement for Christmas accordingly. In other words,

It’s Christmas time! Santa’s almost done making my presents! My sugar intake has increased to frightening proportions! I can’t wait. Luckily, I’ve kept my Christmas cheer safe from the horrors of becoming a crotchety old adult. Has no one seen A Christmas Carol? Hating Christmas= people stealing your bed sheets when you’re dead. That doesn’t sound like fun at all.

To better explain my connection to Christmas, aside from the whole baby Jesus thing which I’ll keep between me and, well, baby Jesus, I’ve decided to examine my life in terms of Christmas movies and how they have shaped the person I am today, good and bad.

Home Alone: My fear of everything

I am a skiddish person. I tend to leap in the air and shriek with fright when the least harmful things come into my line of vision unexpectedly. The last encounter I had was when my neighbor emerged behind me and quietly said, “hello,” which caused me to turn, scream, and almost send him falling down a flight of stairs (paint cans were not set up at this time). Opps. But I blame Kevin McCallister for this bout of paranoia, more specifically, basements and mysterious neighbors. Oddly enough, I am not as frightened about intruders, because my lethal combination of intricately placed Christmas ornaments and ability to scream while flailing my arms about the house leaves me at ease that I can withstand any Wet Bandit that comes my way.

Wee Sing Best Christmas Ever!- My ability to accurately name things

For those of you who did not have the pleasure of watching this, I encourage you to get yourself on the YouTube and find a delightful little tale about a bunch of nerdy kids, their run in with Poofer, the wild, snowflake riding elf, and their trip to Santa’s workshop, where Gusty the elf is so discouraged. I won’t ruin it for you, but Christmas magic ensues and there’s even an elf rap. Recently I was trying to find this online typing things in like “creepy singing angels on mantel” and “annoying kid who won’t stop rhyming about Christmas trees” and was able to find the title, which is, “Wee Sing, Best Christmas Ever!” Exclamation included. Rapping elves aside, how great is this the title Best Christmas Ever!-? It’s the best. Says so in the title. Which may actually have been the demise of Gusty the elf because I don’t think they made a second, and how could you with a title that is already the best? Looking at various projects I’ve completed, you can see my connection to this, which is that I tend to title things in the same fashion, such as “Connie’s Greatest collection of songs I downloaded on Tuesday, September 23rd, 2001” and “My epically awesome to do list.” It’s something me and Poofer have in common and is also why I would be great at having a job naming song and movie titles.

A Charlie Brown Christmas- My temper

There are three parts to this TV special that steal the show: when Linus explains what Christmas is all about, when the little tree turns beautiful, and when everyone dances while Pigpen plays the bass and Schroeder plays the piano. But the one who is overshadowed completely by wimpy looking trees and her little brother with a silly blanket is the Christmas Queen herself, Lucy. It’s often joked that I relate a bit too much with this fictional character, but I find her mean-spirited threats and ability to fly off the handle something to aspire to. It was when I had my annual viewing this year that I caught the similarities in this single quote:

“What about my part? What about the Christmas Queen, hmm? Are you going to let all this beauty go to waste? You do think I’m beautiful, don’t you, Charlie Brown? You didn’t answer right away! You had to think about it first, didn’t you? If you really thought I was beautiful, you would have spoken right up! I know when I’ve been insulted! I KNOW WHEN I’VE BEEN INSULTED!”

It was like listening to a recording of my own voice.

Nightmare Before Christmas/Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer- My fear of ridiculous things that normal people aren’t afraid of

Claymation and stop motion freaks me out. A lot.

Elf- My incurable sweet tooth

In a perfect world, the top of the food pyramid that’s reserved for sugar and dessert would be on the bottom. My addiction to all things sugar related is borderline elfish, and if given the opportunity, I’m pretty confident I wouldn’t dismiss the idea of eating pasta covered in chocolate syrup and marshmallows. And I’ve already proven I can polish off a two liter of pop that one awful/glorious night in high school when I thought it would be smart to drink lots of caffeine to stay up studying for finals. Unfortunately, because of this night caffeine no longer affects me. But I can see colors no one else can.

Also? I definitely look like this when I’m wandering around downtown:

  Merry Christmas!