There’s about 9 gazillion apartments for rent in Chicago, why can’t I find one that’s right for me! ARGG!

Alright, maybe my expectations are too high. For example, I’d really like an apartment that doesn’t have neighbors anywhere around, and if they do exist I would like them to be ballerinas so that they prance around and I can barely hear them.

I also want a pet friendly apartment- but I only want my apartment unit to be pet friendly, I don’t want to hear anyone elses dog except my own.

Some other things that would be nice are a humungous living room, fancy updated bathroom/kitchen, butler, moving hallway (walking’s for chumps), walk-in closet, pool, refridgerator with a tv built into the door, park/work/train/lake/cool neighborhoods next door, annnnd I think that’s it.

Instead I found crap.

Oh wait- there was that one really nice apartment I found that was pet friendly! It was through the Facebook marketplace, but when I looked at the guy’s profile he wrote on his wall that there were “varmits” who ate the wires of his car and messed up his engine only a few days before he put his unit up for rent.

Eww.