Maybe pushing her in the street would have been a bit much…

Every day downtown is an adventure. Sometimes I’m lazy and stay inside, but I realized this week that I should probably take advantage of the weather before there’s a foot of snow and I’m stuck in the office all day with cabin fever. But then, once I actually got out and walked around I quickly realized that its much safer for me to stay inside. Here’s why.

Encounter 1: Today in my haste to get out I forgot my phone at my desk and therefore had no clue how long I had been walking. So, while I was waiting to cross Michigan Ave., I asked this lady who was also waiting at the light, with a watch on, what time it was (for the record I said a polite ‘excuse me’ first).

Jesus H. Christ you would have thought I asked her for bone marrow! She looked at her hideous watch and gave me the time with the stinkiest stink face I ever did see. Seriously? Am I bothering you that much while you’re waiting at a light? All you had to freaking do was LIFT YOUR ARM and SPEAK A SENTENCE. Sorry you have to wear a ridiculously oversized digital watch that looks gross and made me want to submit you to What Not To Wear so they could give you a lesson in fashion, but it’s not my fault you never learned the difference between the big hand from the little hand. She’s damn lucky I didn’t push her into the street, or better yet follow her around asking what time it was in different countries, which is what I would have done if I didn’t already use up my lunch hour.

Encounter 2: This happened the other day but it still bugs me. A lot of times I get stopped by panhandlers/bums/etc. asking for money. It’s sad to say but often times I ignore them because there’s quite a few downtown and I hardly ever have cash. But when I do and they’re nice I’ll kindly oblige, especially if they’re Street Wise. BUT IF YOU’RE A BRATTY GIRL WHO’S MY AGE AND HAS HER NOSE IN THE AIR LIKE SHE JUST WALKED OUT OF AN ARTSY FARTSY COLLEGE, YOU GET NOTHING. Let me explain…

I was walking toward Navy Pier and in mid stair was stopped by a boy and girl around my age. They were straight outta Compton- if Compton was a late night cafe that served $9 lattes and had a bunch of kids sitting around discussing the latest lame band around. So to say the least they didn’t look poor. Anywho, the girl comes up to me and says she’s from South Shore Indiana and they need to get home and its her boyfriend’s birthday and they know how to get home but they don’t have any money. Bup bup bup- stop right there. No, I don’t have cash, goodbye.

I would have sympathized (perhpaps….probably not) if it wasn’t for:

A) her stinky attitude- she made it seem like I was the one stopping her and that I was somehow interrupting her day. And

 B) Her boyfriend, who also had stupid artsy attire on and wasn’t even looking at me, but was instead texting on his blackberry.

Seriously? How the HELL do you go to Navy Pier, a whole freaking state away, and don’t even have the brains to bring $5 to get back home? No, sorry, you’re an idiot. And you don’t deserve a freaking handout if you’re that dumb. I bet you remembered to bring along your bowl and pot for the trip over, didn’t you. Seriously? Why don’t you tell your boyfriend to sell his blackberry, because by the look of his stupid face I doubt he even really knows how to use it. Or-better yet, you’re in Chicago, why not just go to the bank and make a withdrawl? (For the record, I asked my bank today if I lost my wallet could I take money out- they said yes as long as I fill out a deposit slip). 

I’m going to start messing with people next time they annoy me. I should have told her to walk down to 1250 E. Ohio where they give free train tickets. (FYI, 1250 E. Ohio would be the middle of Lake Michigan, which is right where these two belonged). =D

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