Screw the beer, let’s take some shots!

Lately I’ve been trying to learn more about what’s going on in the world, not only for my own personal growth, but also so that I can contribute more to my conversations with AC Slater than things like, “I hate that {political figure} his face looks like someone beat it with an ugly stick” (heehee). So between my daily checking of facebook-hotmail-blogs-repeat, I decided to attempt to educate myself on worldly reports. My source? My results? Well, they ranged from a variety of what to expect on the upcoming Jon and Kate episodes (Kate’s going camping and Jon’s making pizza!), who’s taking MJ’s kids to Disney Land this week, what doctor is being sued by MJ’s estate this week, what type of med’s were found in MJ’s estate this week, what kind of deodorant was found on MJ’s dresser this week, etc. etc.

Really? That’s all you got CNN? Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t there real things going on aside from what’s going on in reality tv? I couldn’t tell if I was looking at CNN or TMZ, the only difference was TMZ talks a little more about Lindsey Lohan- but just a little.

I’m quite disgusted but at least I have some excuse as to why I prefer to read about what celebrity has crossed the line or why I’m saddened to hear which celebrity break-ups happened this week (will Jennifer Anistan ever find love?) I’m simply a product of my environment. It’s not my fault the world news is centered around what kind of beer the president drinks as opposed to the new healthcare bill.

Which brings me to my next point. Beer Summit? Seriously? Are you freaking kidding me Obama? This reminds me of back to my days as a youth when the teacher would ask us things like how would you solve a problem with your friends and we would reply with something like “I’d give them a cupcake and we would play in my sprinkler and be friends again.” But I’m not going to criticize, because although he said he was “surprised the media went crazy with this,” the president played them like a game of Wii and instead of getting buried under criticism for calling the police force STUPID, he instead had the nation playing guessing games as to which type of alcohol he would order during happy hour. Well played sir, well played.

And I don’t think it was a half bad idea, I guess it was a nice way to show the world when you do have problems, you can all sit peaceably and talk your problems out rather than taking things to the next level (although I’m pretty sure the people at AA would disagree that alcohol is the solution). But the thing to avoid a lame one-beer meeting would have been to watch your words in the first place. Have you learned nothing from the last president? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on, uhh, well, strategery.

And another thing! I seem to recall a certain someone who on their presidential campaign trail declared their love for small American businesses. Why then, did you not use your choice of beer to promote this instead of choosing a beer THAT IS A MAJOR CORPORATION AND WAS BOUGHT OUT BY A FOREIGN COMPANY?? (yeah, Budweiser was bought out by a Belgium company, I googled it!). Why not Goose Island, a Chicago beer? Or Half Acre, which I believe is brewed somewhere along Lincoln Ave. Sorry for being so tough, but that’s what you get when you try to cover up a mistake by throwing a party- here at cis4connie you get what’s coming to you.

Don’t even get me started on Biden. Non-Alcoholic beer? Way to show our foreign enemies that we have no spine. When North Korea comes knocking at our door with nuclear missiles, we can know it was Biden’s pansy-ass choice of a non-alcoholic beverage that tipped them off that our government is now weak. Why not just order an apple-tini? At least you get some bang for your buck.

I’m going to stop here because I’m typing really hard on the keys and my blood is pumping. Maybe this is why CNN only reports on non-reality reality, real news is too much strain on the heart.

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