Please help me restrain from punching, stabbing, screaming, pushing, or acting out any other verb that may get me arrested as I head home today. I’ve used 9,298 kleenexes in the 8 hours I’ve been at work with little complaint. I am extrememly irritable and would like to get home quickly and effortlessly, if it is your will.
Ps- would it be too much to ask for a seat so I don’t have to drip over a fellow passenger? Thanks =)